I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
