You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
