My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
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