I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
