butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
