Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
