im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize