No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
