Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
