I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
