Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
