My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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