He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
