The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
