Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Randomize
