you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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