Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
