We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
