PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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