6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
