Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
