Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
