Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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