I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
