He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
