Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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