Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
50% drunk capacity currently
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
