dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
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We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
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It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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