Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's rum buckets o'clock
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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