i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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