im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize