I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
