Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
