where does the pee come out of this thing
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
