Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
