too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
