Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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