You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
