The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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