her vagine was all disorganized.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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