Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
