stop calling my apartment porn island.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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