I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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