This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
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