In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
