and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
