Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
pray to the hookup gods
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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