My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
