He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
