he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
