i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
