Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
