i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
