He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize