so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
