In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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