im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
