I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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