He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
