she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
