I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
