Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
