Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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