My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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