I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
