I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
