i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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