Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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