found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
