im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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