youre lurking in front of me
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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