I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
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