I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
