i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
