Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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